my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
