...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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