Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Two words: blizzard sex
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
