Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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