Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
