Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
