Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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