im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
