yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Vodka?
Forever.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Randomize
