I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
