You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
