I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Found your dick twin last night
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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