you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
