Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
