Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
