are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
