So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
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Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
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Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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