I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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