I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
