i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
