Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
