Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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