Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
