I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
