so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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