If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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