well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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