Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
