brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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