Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
