I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
