i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
