just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
