I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
