yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
