Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
