I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
