I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
