The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
