You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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