So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
