Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
