True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
