Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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