I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
