I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm getting married
To pizza
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
