so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
