If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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