can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
