I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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