then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
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And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
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omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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