Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Drake has all the answers
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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