Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
