Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
