I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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