I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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