Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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