woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
