If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
