one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
