Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize