my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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