summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
