And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize