I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
