It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
