So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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