Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
