She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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