the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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