the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
