i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
