so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
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Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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