would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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