I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
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You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
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I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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