If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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