I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
