the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
