Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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