I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
