dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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