He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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