i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
