Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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